(Basically) Gone With the Wind | Emilia Pérez (2024) Movie Review | #OscarsHomework
False flag 🏳️⚧️
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I had a novel experience watching Emilia Pérez.
I’ve never been glad to be trans before.
I like who I am, always have (for better or worse, I’m my own biggest fan), and while I can say that I am grateful every day that I’m a redhead, and while I’ve been grateful for hard-won lessons stemming from deconstructing and reconfiguring my gender/identity along the way and how the whole experience has (some pun intended) shaped me, I’ve never had a thought that you could directly translate to: ‘I’m so glad I’m trans.’
But…
I’m so glad I’m trans, and it’s because this movie is terrible and nominated for 13 Academy Awards, and it’s absolutely bonkers.
I think if I were cis/straight (heaven forfend), I’d be too timid or ‘not my place to say,’ to shout very loudly about how dreadful I think this movie is. But, gratefully, I feel totally within my critical rights to say: woof!
This movie is so bad and such a bizarre misfire — and is so lauded —that I am compelled to say, politely, and with all due respect: how the fuck did this happen? And how the FUCK did it get nominated 13 times?
Take a look at that list, and what kind of films are now in the group of peers that now includes Emilia Pérez.
The 2024 Spanish-Language French musical crime film Emilia Pérez fell just short of the all-time record of 14 nominations held by All about Eve (landmark, iconic proto-queer film with a supernova-superstar cast) and Titanic (which is Titanic).
It joins as equals in Oscar nomination quantity:
- Gone With the Wind — yeah, that one. The Citizen Kane of Civil War dramas.
- Schindler’s List — this 1993 epic historical drama, widely considered to be the most significant film made by one of if not the greatest living filmmaker, Steven Spielberg, can now count Jacques Audiard’s Emilia Pérez among its equals.
- Reds — don’t lie, you haven’t seen it. I have. An ex made me watch it, and despite its length of [overflow-error] minutes, it is is incredible, and the inspired result of an invigorated, laser-focused Warren Beatty at the height of his powers, influence and passion. Reds and Emilia Pérez were both nominated for 13 Academy Awards.
- Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf — famously, this film has a lot to say about relationships and womanhood and gender dynamics. Says the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences (implicitly): Emilia Pérez has just as much (and as worthwhile) to say. 13 = 13.
Whew. Speaking of motion picture arts and sciences, the nomination process is definitely more art than science, to the extent that it’s either.
Given that my transgender credentials are in order, I feel comfortable saying that this is the second-worst film I’ve seen this Oscars season, way better than The Apprentice for a bunch of reasons, and way worse than literally every other film I’ve seen for just as many reasons.
Whew! Goddamn, this one was a fucking chore.
Where to start?
I submit this as evidence that I went in with a clear and open heart, and even got kind of a good vibe right up front from the movie.
Let me get out in front of this accusation: yes, I am biased against musicals. It’s a hard-won prejudice born of not liking one, ever, despite what seems like hundreds of attempts to me. Chicago is one of my least favorite films of all time; I still wake up in a cold sweat from time to time, worried I might someday be forced to once again watch The Sound of Music; almost everyone in the world I respect seems to think Little Pet Shop of Horrors is good, and I find it unwatchable.
But I’ve got three aces up my hole.
I really love Moulin Rouge. I listen to the Elephant Love Medley monthly, probably (listening as I type this). I really love La La Land (not only can I be moved to tears simply by thinking about La La Land for too long, I absolutely will be if I don’t think of something else quick).
And I loved Wicked, which surprised no one more than me.
…sleeve. What did I say?
So I’m not a hardline bigot inre: musicals. I just think it’s no kind of way to tell most stories, and the three that I’ve discovered that I think are good films only further support my point: not that it can’t work, but that it almost never does, so why would you, even?
Well, when faced with the zag of an uphill battle, this film took the novel approach of zigging itself the deepest, darkest hole I’ve ever seen a musical fall into.
Sad to say, subverting my low expectations of musicals by barely being one was a bold strategy, but one that decidedly did not work out for them, Cotton.
Spoiler alert: it wasn’t interesting.
My Emilia Pérez viewing stretched out over two days, and that second day was rough, because every time I’d be ready to click Play, I’d think about how unenjoyable and perfunctory and obnoxious almost every element of the film eventually came to be.
Make no mistake: in a good movie, i.e. a worthwhile story well-told, a lot of the aesthetic and stylistic flourishes would be the sort of flavor that separates Good from Great.
In a bad movie, like this one, they’re infuriating. e.g. why set up all those cameras and tape all those cords to the floor and hire, like, a dozen dancers and build a set (jk, it’s mostly black box) if the dance itself is literally nothing? So much effort, talent and passion just lined up next to a ditch and shot in the back of the head.
Not that the experience of watching Emilia Pérez is painless. Far from it.
As an aside, I’ve heard some rumblings about old tweets dug up of Gascón’s. I kind of don’t care. Maybe I would if I actually read them? I don’t know — I still love the film Se7en, and Spacey almost certainly did a lot more than just tweet horrific things. Now, I’m not saying Spacey should get more work now, and I guess for me, the jury is out on Gascón. I won’t be casting her in anything, so I can make my mind up about how I feel about her getting more work whenever she does.
[editor’s note: okay, I went and looked them up, and this one is actually unintentionally hilarious]
“More and more the #Oscars are looking like a ceremony for independent and protest films, I didn’t know if I was watching an Afro-Korean festival, a Black Lives Matter demonstration or the 8M,” Gascón wrote. “Apart from that, an ugly, ugly gala.”
And now she’s going to the Oscars. I feel like she might find it less of an Afro-Korean festival there, in person. But these tweets also read (translated, granted) as borderline incoherent to me. Apart from that, an ugly, ugly gala? If it were the racist sentiment I fear it to be, I feel like all the diversity would be reason one that it’s ugly, not an unrelated aside. I honestly don’t even care what she was actually saying. I think she still wants to work and get paid to act, so she’ll learn a lesson from this or appear to, and whatever, who cares.
Also, lady, not for nothing: you’re going to be at the Oscars IN an independent, protest/diversity film. Will that cognitive dissonance or remembering what she tweeted make her uncomfortable at the event?
Who knows or cares?
The Turn of the Shew
Movies are always telling on themselves, and Emilia Pérez told me fairly early on exactly what I was in for.
This movie felt bizarrely out-of-touch at numerous different points. The ‘does this make my ass look fat’ moment is a great, small example, and the big one is probably anything to do with the trans experience, particularly genital reassignment surgery. We’ll get to it, but I bleeted it pretty well, so I’m just mostly going to get out of the way and let you read how I experienced the ramp-up into the film’s narrative.
Unwilling or unable; possibly both
I ordinarily avoid other critics and their thoughts (to an extent, and only if I think I will review the film), but because Emilia Pérez stretched out over two torturous days, and I wasn’t going to put off listening any longer, I popped on the Blank Check Podcast (“…a podcast about filmographies of directors who have massive success and are given a blank check to make whatever crazy passion projects they want,” per the show’s intro), which touched on Emilia Pérez in its 10th-annual, bespoke awards show, the Blankie Awards.
As bleeted, Reid mentioned the communities the film ostensibly serves or represents uniformly responding, ‘no thanks,’ and I’m glad to know that contextually, because it validates and confirms my experience, which is that this story does not authentically represent my story or any trans story I’m aware of or familiar with. It reads and feels like someone writing about transgender issues with a Wikipedia article and several Reddit threads open in other tabs.
It’s like Conclave, in that sense. The script says, ‘this is a trans story!’ and my response is, ‘it sure isn’t!’
Here begins a theme, which is: Zoë Saldaña is terrific, but utterly wasted in this movie. If anyone is any good — and parts of Emilia Perez are intermittently watchable — it’s all utterly wasted.
And though we’ve already seen the moment where I said, ‘I think this movie just lost me,’ surprise, I was wrong, because here is where the movie lost me:
Bafflinger and bafflinger…
You probably don’t know me very well, so I’ll clue you in that it’s worth paying attention whenever I bleet a word with lots of extra letters. That’s valuable BlueSky real estate (it’s free real estate), and if I draw a word out like that, I mean it.
I guess I somehow missed all of Selena Gomez’s work on her way to notoriety (though, having seen her work in Emilia Pérez, I wouldn’t say I missed it, Bob). In my mind, headed into this awards season, Selena Gomez and Ariana Grande were both sort of interchangeable, former-child-star blank slates in my mind.
Well, they’ve since defined and separated themselves pretty definitively with this year’s performances. Grande was so amazing and fun (plus the audio was captured live on set, a ridiculous gamble that paid off enormously because Jon M. Chu was working with such talented Talent) in Wicked that I wouldn’t be that upset if she beat out my pick for Best Supporting Actress, Felicity Jones (The Brutalist). Either one of those is fine with me, and signals voters are paying attention and care about the right things.
I think this may be the first time I’ve seen any of Selena Gomez’s work. I’m going to have to see something else before I make a judgment, because how much of her disastrously-bad performance is the fault of this generally-disastrously-bad movie versus her own is kind of incalculable.
The Worst Best Picture
This next one was a particular low point for me, because I really didn’t like the line the first time, but clearly, Audiard figured it would crush, because the callback felt like a victory lap.
No está bueno.
But it didn’t get here by accident. AMPAS has, bafflingly, signaled that this is a groundbreaking and significant film by welcoming it into the 13-nom club.
So let’s examine the 13 nominations Emilia Perez received, and puzzle out whether it could or should win any of them.
- Best Actress — Karla Sofía Gascón, she of the controversy. I think AMPAS already did its social justice work nominating her and inviting her to be there, and there’s virtually nothing in the film or performance that would justify her winning versus a pretty tough field.
A tough field, but not as tough as… - Best Supporting Actress—Zoë Saldaña, who gave a herculean (ultimately sisyphean), effort trying to elevate this movie into something, and I don’t hold this movie against her, but nope. Not against Jones and Grande. Rossellini might have less business being in the field than Saldaña, but Conclave is a much more-liked film than Emilia Pérez, and I think there’s no universe in which Saldaña wins now that everyone has turned on this film.
- Best Director—Jacques Audiard. Prior to 2016, I’d have probably joked that this film is so thoughtless and bad and such a waste of time that he ought to be in jail, but of course, I don’t really think that (or think it’s funny to joke about anymore). Nonetheless, no way is he winning Best Director. Not for this.
- Best Editing — Juliette Welfling. Maybe? It emphatically should not win, because editing was one of the many problems this film had, and in no way a strength. I’m inclined to blame the director, not the editor, but either way, I’m disinclined to award this film for its bad editing.
- International Feature Film — This is a point of ignorance for me, because I haven’t seen another film in this category. The next one I watch from here will probably be Flow, because it’s about cats, and since I love cats, that’s the one I’m hoping wins it. This could also be Emilia Pérez’s consolation prize, and a way for AMPAS to be less embarrassed for nominating a terrible film nobody likes 13 times. It’s got a real shot here.
- Makeup & Hairstyling — I think this is A Different Man’s to lose, but Wicked is a strong candidate, too (DYK Cynthia Erivo is not actually green?). I don’t see any way Emilia Pérez wins.
- Best Cinematography — Paul Guilhaume. Uh-uh. This movie is not well shot. Again, I’m always inclined to lay the blame at the director, since he’s telling the DP what and how to shoot, but I’d be shocked if this movie wins since every one of the three other films nominated I’ve seen has a much stronger case.
- Music (Original Score) — Clément Ducol and Camille. Call me old-fashioned, but I think in order to win an award for music, you ought to have to have, like, music and songs. Emilia Pérez, again, probably the weakest offering in this field.
- Music (Original Song) — El Mal & Mi Camino. El Mal is not a song. It’s more like choral slam poetry. Having not heard any of the other songs that I can recall, I can confidently say that El Mal is the weakest in the field. Mi Camino is a marginally stronger offering, and I’m pretty unfamiliar with this field. With two bites at this apple, there’s a moderate to good chance Emilia Pérez converts in this category and wins.
- Best Picture — I haven’t seen them all, but even so, I feel comfortable saying Emilia Pérez is categorically the weakest in the field.
- Best Sound — At the risk of sounding traditionalist, the sound design was bad in this movie, and I find that to be a serious mark against its candidacy.
- Best Adapted Screenplay — The script is arguably the worst part of this bad movie. In no universe should or does Emilia Pérez win this.
Keep in mind, if Emilia Pérez is nominated for 13 Oscars — tied with Gone With the Wind — and wins none, the nominations are going to look stupid, and that, more than perhaps anything, motivates the AMPAS voting body. So I think it’s a question of which awards will they give to Emilia Pérez so they don’t look foolish, while not looking foolish by giving a bunch of awards to a bad movie nobody liked.
So it won’t be 0/13 and it won’t be 13/13. It'll fall somewhere in between. So exactly how many trophies is Emilia Pérez going to come away with?
… I really wanted to end on the line, ‘Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a fuck,’ but in all honesty, if Emilia Pérez beats out substantive, worthier efforts so that AMPAS doesn’t wind up with its dick in its hand for nominating it 13 times, I might completely lose it.
#OSCARSHOMEWORK
My #OscarsHomework watch progress!
Best Pic 🟩⬛🟩🟩🟩⬛⬛🟩🟩🟩
Best Actress ⬛🟩⬛🟩🟩
Best Actor 🟩🟩⬛🟩🟩
Sup. Actress 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
Sup. Actor 🟩🟩⬛🟩🟩
Best Animated ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛
Best Int’l 🟩⬛⬛⬛⬛
Directing 🟩⬛🟩🟩🟩
#oscaround
Anora (2024) is up next. Follow me on BlueSky for the live bleet movie review.
Best Supporting Actress
This is interesting. I even have some internal conflict about this one, because I really, really loved both Ariana Grande’s performance in Wicked and Felicity Jones’s performance in The Brutalist. Either one could take home the hardware, and I’d be fine with it.
There’s also Monica Barbaro in A Complete Unknown, and she was one of the best parts of that film. So how much does AMPAS love biopics and the cult of [insert pop icon, in this case Dylan] this year? Ditto Rossellini in Conclave. How much does AMPAS love the films that are designed to bait them? Do they spit the bit? You never know.
But I do know that, for my money, Best Supporting Actress should go to either Grande or Jones, and this feels wild to say, but I’d slightly rather see Grande win it, solely because I think Wicked is a better movie than The Brutalist, which sounds crazy, but I do think that.
